In my life, I have seen many people that allowed, heavily misunderstanding concepts of “love” and “friendship”, their horses to do whatever the horses wanted to do. At the same time these people never looked into themselves, and never asked themselves why decidedness and establishing the few very simple rules of co-existance cause tension in them.
With time, anger and frustration, which were never looked into and remained present in these people, grew as their horses did things that wouldn’t be normally accepted and that were simply dangerous to themselves and these people. What is more, any normal visit from a vet or a trimmer had just the right potential to turn into a nightmare…
And then the moment came when the horse did only a little and these people couldn’t do otherwise but overreact, and in high emotions punish the horse not only for this one thing which the horse just did, but for all the bad things that were tolerated before.
Boundary is like a beautiful frame that makes the painting complete and even more beautiful.
There were many people who claimed that they love their horses and they let their horses cross all possible boundaries without any consequences. These people had to sell their horses because of the accident that happened between them or simply because being together was no longer safe for both of them. And where is responsibility here?
To love somebody is to take the full responsibility for that person. Not only for the present moment that belongs to this person, but also for that person’s future. This concept is very clear when we think about our children, but it gets very blurred when it comes to the horses.
If we love our horses, and I believe that we do, we have to set boundaries in our relation in such a way that we won’t have to sell our horses because of any accident, or the simple fact that our horse became too dangerous for us. If we had to sell our horse in such a situation, we would have very limited control over to whom he would be sold and if he didn’t finish in the slaughterhouse. As shocking as it may sound to you now – this is the truth we have to face to understand why boundaries are so important. Selling to a good hands a horse that knows no boundaries is almost impossible.
Boundaries that are fun, and make the training even more beautiful can be set only from the position of true Calmness. If there is no Calmness between you and your horse, if you are always anxious, waiting for something, afraid that something will or will not happen, and your horse is scared or angry – all boundaries will become punishments applied because of fear and lack of safety and trust.
To put it in simple words: Without Calmness you will always overreact.
Remember: The Mother of all misbehaviors is being scared. It stays true for both:
humans & horses.
The very first step in learning about Boundaries is Calmness.
When you are connected with yourself and you have literally no thoughts and no emotions in yourself – you always know what to do and you always act accordingly to the things that are happening around you.
Sometimes you very decidedly yet calmly make your horse go away 2-3 steps away when he starts to nip you or push you. And sometimes because of being deeply connected with your true self you will block the undesired behaviour with the stick or with your elbow.
The true Boundaries always come from your True Self.
If you are connected with the TRUE YOU, you immediately know what is good for you, what you can accept and what is wrong and can’t be tolerated.
Not because of your personal and other’s people “opinions” on the subject, but because of the true connection with Nature you have. We can say that when you are really OPEN in your body, in your mind and in your heart – NATURE ACTS THROUGH YOU.